Wherefore Art Thou Sleep?

Exhaustion has overtaken me since my last attempt at blogging, possibly brought on by an acute lack of rest. It was so bad yesterday that coworkers and family noticed, and everyone was concerned for my well-being. It has become a big enough problem that I've elected to receive assistance from my dear old friend, Mr. Miller Light. If I can't sleep naturally, then by God I can pass out in a drunken stupor. ;-)

Word on the grapevine is that my lights for my aquarium are finally ready for pickup. Yay! I'll be grabbing those on Saturday after my workout, and I'll probably spend the weekend putting them together. Assembly is required because I chose to buy a kit that I can mount in my existing hood, rather than a pendant that hangs from the ceiling. If all goes well I'll have a bright, beautiful aquarium next week to grow algae in. ( Laugh )

And finally, Oblivian is finally installed on my computer. Still haven't run it though. ;-p

Oblivious to Oblivion

Boy I feel like the odd man out. Everyone and their nephew seems to be enjoying a rousing adventure or two in the expansive world of the Elder Scrolls. Apparently it's pretty awesome both in terms of it's graphical prowless and it's complex setting and characters. I don't really know how true this is, but everyone around me seems to think so.

So what is left for us poor unenlightened people to do? Working out in the dungeon makes for a good start, catching up with people I haven't had a chance to talk to lately, downing a Smirnof or six, etc. I've also signed up for the free 14 day trial of EVE Online. It has an interesting backstory, but I haven't gotten much farther than that yet as the tutorial is quite extensive. That wasn't meant to be a complaint: I wish more games took the time to show you the ropes. However, it does mean that I haven't had a chance to explore outside the realm of the guided tour.

Well, there it is.

Prodigious

Ya just can't beat that two hour workout high. I'm so hooked I swear to God I feel like I'm exercising just to get a fix. I've also decided to start doing crunches and pushups every morning before work, just to get me started on the right foot. The old exercise bike never made me feel this good. Weight training is definitely the way to go for me.

Something else that's cool about it is that it's a good bonding/social thing with the guys too. I've had my brothers, my roommate, Butters, even my nephew come workout with me at one point or another. There's no judging either; We're all at different levels, but that's okay. As long as everyone gives 100%, it's worth it.

The roleplaying this past weekend was a load of fun too. I think everyone was a bit nervous about jumping back in with both feet, but as the session wore on it seemed like the group, as a whole, relaxed a bit more. What did we learn from our first session? Easy: Everyone in the city of Wisdom needs a favor. ;-)

Between the dementia from my still not getting any sleep and all the great events of the last week, I feel on top of the world. It's hard to believe that just a few short weeks ago I was having one of the worst weeks in my life. Although sometimes it takes a great sadness for someone to learn to truly appreciate all the happiness in their lives. Maybe that's me. I've been riding a happy high for so long now that I became numb to my life's true perks. Well I'm feelin' it now baby. I'm feelin' it.

The Assembled Hoards of Genghis Khan

This must be what it feels like to be that street that Spain runs the bulls through. I feel utterly spent. I haven't been sleeping much over the last several days, for reasons I don't yet understand. My body just snaps awake at odd hours and can never get back to sleep. Well, I think it finally caught up with me today.


This morning I was running on two things: caffeine and adrenaline. I was kicking so much ass at work it was scary, which is a good thing because we got slammed. Computers were flowing through the front door like water while the phone rang off the hook. We had all three lines lit up more often than I can count. Of course, this was all like my very own Tackling Fuel. I was lapping it up. Then the coffee ran out.

I crashed hard. All the hustle and bustle suddenly became a very very bad thing. It got so bad I had to excuse myself for a 10 minute power nap at lunch so that I could recharge, which I guess worked because I managed to drag my way through the afternoon. Now I'm sitting here at home, in front of my monitor wondering why I'm not in bed yet.

Good point. Night.

Beefcake! Beefcake!

I've managed to get to the dungeon to lift for the past three days in a row, and I'm gloriously worn out. I much prefer to lift weights than ride my exo-bike. Aside from burning more calories in the long run, I get a greater sense of accomplishment, since larger muscles manage to poke through the dense layer of fat and give the appearance of, well, shape. Now if I could only get the lights fixed in there so that I can work out after dark...

A local business owner has asked me to help with an ambitious new project which has me quite tempted. Although I've been asked not to talk much about it yet, it would involve the deployment of a localized database, which is combined with a remote database and presented to the user seamlessly in a custom kiosk style GUI. Although setting up the GUI and local database should pose no problem, I have no idea what format the remote database would take, or if we can even gain access to it ( lawyers will need to negociate that one ), so this project may be dead before it takes off. Still, I'm thrilled to be asked to lead it.

Looks like I might be picking up an old habit again this weekend: roleplaying. Though it's been a very long time, I think I remember where my dice are. :-) Plus, it's always exciting to start a new game where your character has gained a certain, shall we say notoriety, before the first session has even begun. I look forward to stretching my dramatic muscles again, though I fully expect to be upstaged by more experienced performers in our troupe. Either way, it'll be fun. ( Or else! )

THREE HUNDRED

w00t! w00t! w00t! w00t! w00t! w00t! w00t! w00t! w00t! w00t! w00t! w00t! w00t! w00t! w00t! w00t! w00t! w00t! w00t! w00t! w00t! w00t!

Yeah baby! Five independent measurements on two different scales. I wasn't even planning to weigh myself today. I had put myself on a strict once a month plan, because your weight can vary if you're carrying water, or when you last ate, etc. I last weighed myself at the start of the month, and that scale had me at 308. I wasn't going to weigh myself again until the start of April.

However, I was just finishing up a visit at my parent's house and saying my goodbyes. As I passed through the kitchen, I saw it sitting out in the middle of the floor: The digital demon. The scale that would rather belch a red 'E' at me than tell me my weight. I was just two weeks out from my last weigh in, but since I was just expecting another red 'E', I figured I might as well.

My jaw hit the floor. Not because I have achieved some massively impressive physique, but because 300 has been my magic number for a long time. That was the number I once told myself, "Dude, if you ever go over 300 pounds, I'm going to kill you." I told myself that in the last MILLENNIUM, because I hit 300 sometime before 9/11 and never looked back.

My resolve has only gotten deeper. Losing this weight really hasn't been all that hard. I just had to care; I had to want it; I needed a goal to reach for, and losing this fat will help me reach it. Heh, I am gonna get myself so sexified it'll be sick. ( Ok, back to Earth Troy, come back down. ) It will take a year or two, but it will happen. Period.

BEST Drive-thru EVER!

Okay, anyone who is ready to have the greatest drive-thru experience of their lives needs to hit the Taco Bell on 6th Ave in Decatur. I have had the experience twice, and the other day my brother experienced it with me, so now I have a witness.

The guy they have running the drive-thru is hysterical. Normally when you visit a drive-thru you get something like "Welcome to my restaurant. Would you like to try our special blah blah blah..." Nope, not this guy. Instead you get "Howdy, how are ya?"

Of course, it's such a pleasant greeting you have to respond in kind. "I'm great, thanks."

"What can we do to brighten your day?" Wow. I was just expecting a taco, not the mood-altering experiences that he's apparently ready to offer. And when you've finished ordering, he'll have some pithy repartee like, "Please stimulate the economy at the first window," or "Please present your currency or plastic equivalent at the first window."

Listening to the guy is a hoot, I guess because witty discourse is almost taboo at the drive-thru. That's really a shame. Corporations are so concerned about their employees staying "on message", and we've forgotten what it's like to actually exercise our brains and make use of the English language.

Signs and Portents

I'm becoming aware of an alarmingly high rate of change in my life and in the lives around me. Almost everyone I know is affected in one way or another, though each person's change isn't necessarily related to each other, except for the fact that I bear witness. Some is for better, some is for worse, and some has the potential to be awesome but scares the shit out of me.

I feel like a palm tree on the beach, with the outer bands of a hurricane whipping at my leaves, shifting the sand at my feet, and rearranging the landscape. Change is a lot like the wind, in that it can stagnate for a while, but every once in a while a gust rolls through and mixes everything up. That gust, when it's past me, just continues on to the next guy, and the next... just flowing on to someone new, working it's way across the globe; Great waves of energy sweeping around the world.

Only a few short months ago I was so desperate for a change, and I was ready to take drastic measures to obtain it. Instead, I held back, and stewed in my anxious wanderlust. Now, since I did not go to seek change myself, the world has brought it to me. Emotionally, I've run a gauntlet over the last two weeks, and I foresee more extremes in the immediate future. Well, ya know what? Let it come. "A man needs new experiences, or something sleeps within him, and seldom awakens." - Dune (1984).

We have nothing to fear. If you're scared or nervous, frightened, angry, lost... lift your eyes back up to the horizon. The first light of a new dawn is upon us all. Let it wash over you, through you, until you are saturated by it's warmth. Then, when it has filled you completely and you're ready to burst, grab hold, close your eyes, and let me carry you on my shoulders. We'll wade through your troubles until we reach drier shores. To all my friends, I love you.

Rollin' Thunder

Troy's Artist of the Week: Rob Thomas. His single "This is How a Heart Breaks" hit the radio a few months ago, and I liked it a lot. But the latest, "Ever the Same", I really really dig. So, I figured I'd give the guy a free plug. Yay!

Held a mini "Anime Night" tonight with my Anime Buddy. We caught Armitage III, which wasn't bad. I recommend checking it out, though I wouldn't classify it as a must see. It had some interesting themes and concepts, but sometimes it seemed to jump scenes a bit too quickly, and character motivations weren't easy to discern. I wanted to catch Avatar, which Butters had loaned me, but A.B. goes in to work at 5am, so we had to cut it short.

Hmm, looks like Alpha West is back online. I dunno how, but I'm very glad to see it. I was a Subspace beta tester, and the Alpha map was IT. The original. Guess I'll go get vulched. :-)

Flustered

Sour is my mood this evening. Not for any one large thing that has gone wrong, but rather a bountiful quantity of little things which conspire against my best laid plans. Of greatest note is the nonfunctional lighting in my dungeon ( ie. Where I weight train ) and my inability to discover the root of it's insubordination. This occurs, naturally, after purchasing another hundred pounds of plates, which I was going to use for the first time tonight. Service calls which force me to work overtime could also have hindered my happy thoughts.

Not all was grim, of course, and out of fairness I must point out a silver lining for the day. Visiting a doctor's office, whom I have not seen this year, earned me two hugs and a third woman who didn't believe I was me because Troy is "bigger than that". ( To be fair, I did still have my sunglasses on, making identification more difficult. ) Aside from noting my weight loss, they insisted that I had a girlfriend and that she was styling my hair for me. Heh.

Of course, it's great situations like that which pump me up to work out even more, which makes my inability to do so even more frustrating. The exercise bike I have here at my place isn't a substitute because I'm full of anxious energy and my muscles feel like exploding. The bike doesn't satisfy that urge because it's a long grind. Hmmm... maybe when my roomie is done watching Lost I can get him to spar with me.

Picking Up The Pieces

Today I've been trying to return to my normal routine as much as possible. This includes strict adherence to my diet, the exercise bike, and writing this blog. Naturally, it's not possible to act as if nothing has happened. Aside from being a façade, it would be a dishonor upon my friend's memory.

Ironicaly, the time I spend around friends and family, who are the people offering support and comfort, is the time I need comforting the least. My weaker moments are the quiet moments: Time spent driving in the car, or waiting in line at the store, or getting dressed in the morning. The mind is left to wander and reflect. This isn't a bad thing at all, and I'm sure it's a natural part of the grieving process. Besides, any time things seem to get tough, I can imagine my friend smacking me in the back of the head and saying, "Hey, cut that out!" in the voice of Beavis. Plus, it's hard to stay sad when you know that they're in a good place.

If any good were to come out of Media Man's passing, it is that my friends and I came closer together than we have been in some time, and that I had a chance to get to know his brothers. They were full of great stories about growing up together. I made sure they got my email address, and I really hope we have a chance to stay connected. It just seems right.

Grasping for Words

Many of you already know that we've lost a dear friend today. There's a lot I'd like to say about the man behind the media, but it's hard to cram 10 years of great memories into a single blog post, especially after the roller-coaster that today has been. So I'm afraid today's blog entry will have to act as a place holder, at least until I can get clear of the fog that has set in, and try to put into words my summary of a cherished friendship. Until that time, please allow me to convey my deepest thanks to everyone who has offered support, be it in the form of an ear or a shoulder, during this tumultuous time.